Hamlet Adaptation
Scene 1
[outside the loading docks of Elsinore Tower, the main business building of Elsinore Co.]
Enter (separately) Barnardo and Francisco, two night guards for Elsinore Tower
Barnardo: Who’s there?
Francisco: You tell me first! Who are you?
Barnardo: I’m… it’s me, Francisco.
Francisco: Barnardo?
Barnardo: Yeah.
Francisco: Oh. I didn’t hear you.
Barnardo: Sorry. It’s my shift now. I think you need some sleep.
Francisco: Oh thank god. It is freezing out here.
Barnardo: I know. How’d your watch go?
Francisco: All quiet.
Barnardo: That’s good. Night, Cisco. Oh! And if you see Horatio and Marcellus, they’re with me. Tell them to hurry up.
Marcellus and Horatio show up
Francisco: I think I hear them. Hey, who’s there?
Horatio: Don’t worry! It’s just us.
Marcellus: Francisco, we work at the same company…
Francisco: Sorry, I’m tired. You guys have a good night, I’m going home.
Marcellus: Alright, bye. Oh, hey, did anyone relieve you of your shift?
Francisco: Barnardo did. You guys should probably hurry up, he’s waiting for you.
Francisco exits
Marcellus: Barnardo, hey!
Barnardo: Ugh, finally. I’ve been waiting. Is Horatio with you?
Horatio: I’m right here, Barnardo.
Barnardo: Okay, good.
Horatio: So tell me, has that mysterious homeless man shown up yet?
Barnardo: No, not yet.
Marcellus: Horatio still doesn’t believe us, so I dragged him out here to prove it.
Horatio: Yeah, except you’re not going to prove it, because he doesn’t exist.
Barnardo: Horatio, I swear to you, this guy is real. Last night, Marcellus and I were on duty, minding our own business, and at exactly one o’clock, this creepy old man just slinks out of the shadows like a freaking ghost and -
Homeless man appears
Marcellus: Barnardo shut up! He’s here!
Barnardo: Look! Do you believe me now?
Horatio: I… okay he is kind of creepy, but… Wait, doesn’t he kind of look like the old boss?
Barnardo: I don’t know, it’s not like I knew the guy.
Horatio: He does. Take my word for it.
Barnardo: Well, then… should we try talking to him?
Marcellus: Hey, don’t look at me! Horatio, you talk to him!
Horatio approaches the man
Horatio: Excuse me sir, this is private property. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
Man ignores Horatio
Horatio: [clears throat] Um, sir! Did you not hear me?
Man ignores Horatio
Horatio: Um… boss?
Man looks at Horatio suddenly, surprised, then turns and quickly begins to walk away
Horatio: Wait! Boss! Is that you? Come back! Why are you here? How did you…
Man exits.
Marcellus: Nice going, Horatio, you scared him off.
Barnardo: Wow, man, you look kind of scared. I thought the creepy homeless man didn’t exist.
Horatio: Shut up, Barnardo. What was I supposed to think? A creepy homeless man that looks like the old Boss, wandering around in the middle of the night?
Marcellus: Hey, guys! Calm down. Horatio was right, that guy looked like the old boss. Did you see how he reacted when Horatio called him that? And isn’t the boss is in prison for fraud?!
Horatio: Yeah, he is. This doesn’t make any sense.
Marcellus: Well… why would he even show up here? He paces around like some sort of stalker. Do you think he wants something?
Horatio: I don’t know. But I mean, maybe he’s back because of all the… things that have been going on in the company lately.
Marcellus: Things? Like what?
Horatio: Like that whole thing with Fortinbras Inc.
Brabantio: Elsinore’s rival company?
Horatio: Yeah. Before he was convicted of fraud, the old boss managed to obtain some assets from them - mostly land and stuff in the city for a new mall complex. He found some dirt on Fortinbras, their boss, and when the old guy got sent to jail, OUR boss swept in and grabbed the land. Except now, OUR boss is in jail too, and Fortinbras Jr. wants those assets back. The way things are going, this squabble is going to get nasty pretty quickly.
Barnardo: Maybe that’s why the boss is back? He came to warn us?
Horatio: I don’t know, maybe. This whole thing seems like the company’s going downhill. I wonder how he broke out of jail...
Enter homeless man
Horatio: Oh god he’s back.
Horatio starts walking towards man, but the man notices and begins walking faster.
Horatio: Hey! Wait a minute! Tell us why you’re here, please! Is something wrong? Are you here to warn us? Your son is devastated, he deserves to know you’re here! Sir? Hey! Marcellus, stop him!
Marcellus: With what, my flashlight?
Horatio: You’re a nightguard, just grab him!
Marcellus: Okay! Barnardo, help me out here.
Barnardo: You got it!
Marcellus and Barnardo attempt to grab the homeless man, but he sees their uniforms and runs away.
Horatio: He got away!
Marcellus: Wow, really? I hadn’t noticed.
Barnardo: Grabbing him was a bad idea, he saw our uniforms and ran.
Horatio: Well, what were we supposed to do? We need to talk to him.
Horatio looks at the horizon.
Horatio: It’s morning. He won’t come back now.
Barnardo: Well, at least you know we aren’t making him up.
Marcellus: He really does look like the old boss, it’s weird.
Barnardo: What do we do now?
Horatio: … We should find Hamlet.
Barnardo: The… boss?
Horatio: No, idiot, Hamlet junior!
Marcellus: The boss’s son? Is that a good idea?
Horatio: Look, I know Hamlet. We’re friends. He’d want to know if his dad is running around outside of prison. And if the old guy won’t talk to us, maybe he’ll talk to his son.
Marcellus: You want us to bring the boss’s son out on guard with us, just so he can see if a creepy homeless guy is actually his father in disguise.
Horatio: Well… when you put it like that -
Marcellus: No, it’s a good idea. I know where Hamlet is, let’s go get him.
All exit.
Scene 2
[Inside the boss’s office]
Enter Claudius (the new boss), Gertrude (his wife, and co. owner of the company), Polonius (the boss’s assistant), Laertes (Polonius’s son), Hamlet (the old boss’s kid), and Voltemand (a corporate spy)
Boss: I’m glad you’re all here today. It’s only been a few months since my brother Hamlet was convicted of fraud, and I’m eternally grateful that the company allowed me to step up and take his place. It really was the best choice. I’d also like to thank the beautiful Gertrude, my new wife. I’m sure you’ve all heard; she divorced Hamlet after he went to prison, and instead of assuming all the responsibilities and assets herself, she allowed me to lighten her load. And now, I not only have this prestigious position; I also have a beautiful wife.
Now, we need to discuss our rival company, Fortinbras Inc. Hamlet senior managed to acquire some assets from the company by exposing Fortinbras’s drug dealings. Fortinbras’s brother has now taken over the company. However, we’ve heard news that his nephew, Fortinbras junior, is planning to take back these assets and make a move on our company, without his uncle’s knowledge. Voltemand, I need you to go to Fortinbras Inc. and tell the current boss about his nephew’s plans. That’ll hopefully put a stop to him.
Voltemand: You got it boss.
Boss: Thank you.
Cornelius and Voltemand leave
Now, Laertes! I heard you wanted to speak to me. What do you need?
Laertes: Sir, I’d like to go back to France. I’m grateful you invited me here and everything, and the celebration of your appointment was great, but I need to finish up school.
Boss: Well, do you have your father’s permission?
Polonius: Yes, he does.
Boss: Well then, Laertes, you’re free to go.
Now, Hamlet, my son -
Hamlet: I’m not your son, Claud.
Boss: [he sighs] Still depressed, I see.
Hamlet: My dad is gone, what do you expect?
Wife: Hamlet, please. Your father didn’t die, he’s just in prison. It’s not like you can’t see him.
Hamlet: You told me not to go because it’d be a bad image for the company.
Wife: Well… it would be. Can’t you just be happy again?
Hamlet: No, mom, I can’t. Dad was a good man. He wouldn’t commit a crime just to make a profit. And now, I can’t even talk to him! It’s not fair!
Boss: Hamlet! Look, we all realize you’re upset, but it’s been two months. You need to get over this. Your mother and I have. You’re a man now, you can’t act like some spoiled brat just because your father is in prison. Besides, look at the bright side. When I step down, you get to take over the company in my place.
Hamlet: That still would’ve happened if he hadn’t been sent to jail.
Boss: Hamlet -
Hamlet: No. I’m going back to Wittenberg. I need to finish school.
Boss: Hamlet, you’re acting like a child! Your mother and I are asking you to stay here with us in the states. Why do you deny our request? Please, Hamlet, you’re practically done with school. You don’t need to go back. Just stay here. I can teach you the ropes and help you myself. We need you here with us.
Conflicted Hamlet sounds
Wife: Please, Hamlet.
Hamlet: … Fine. I’ll stay.
Boss: Excellent! You made the right choice, son. Now, Gertrude, I think this calls for a celebration. How about we throw a party tonight? It’ll be glorious! We can call up the caterer, maybe even get some fireworks…
Boss continues speaking as everyone leaves but Hamlet.
Hamlet starts talking to himself agitatedly
Hamlet: One of these days, I’m going to kill him. Oh yeah, Uncle Claud, let’s just throw a party while my father rots in jail for a crime he didn’t commit. Totally fine. Why am I even staying here? I don’t owe him anything! I don’t even owe my mom anything. Like a month after dad got sent to jail, she’s all up in Uncle Claud’s business and filing divorce papers! Who does that? I thought she loved him! But no, apparently she didn’t. Because why would she, right? Why would my mother, married to the best person in the world, go off canoodling with his brother? My uncle can barely even run himself, let alone a company. If anyone was convicted of fraud, it should be him, not my dad. Why would my mom do this? Why would she… she just…
This is stupid I’m stupid everything is stupid. I just want to die…
Horatio, Marcellus, and Barnardo enter.
Horatio: Hamlet?
Hamlet: Yes? I-
He stops when he sees Horatio and immediately his mood lifts
Horatio! Oh my god, hey! What’s up?
They hug
Horatio: I’m great, it’s nice to see you man.
Hamlet: Nice to see you too. Hey Marcellus! And uh… uh… Sir.
Barnardo looks somewhat put off that Hamlet doesn’t remember his name.
Hamlet: Um. Horatio! I thought you were in Germany. What brings you all the way out here?
Horatio: Oh, I’m just skipping. A truant disposition, and all that.
Hamlet: Horatio, you just quoted Shakespeare. You are the least likely person in the universe to skip school. Why are you here?
Horatio: Alright, fine. I came for your father’s trial.
Hamlet: Don’t lie to me. You came for my mom’s wedding.
Horatio: … Okay, I came for the wedding.
Hamlet: It’s fine, I get it. I mean they were barely a month apart, it’s not like it would’ve made any difference.
Horatio: You… okay?
Hamlet: I miss my dad, Horatio.
Horatio: I… I met him once. He seemed like a great guy.
Hamlet: He was. And now I’ll never be able to see him again.
Horatio: … Um, about that. I think I saw him last night.
Hamlet: Saw who?
Horatio: The old boss, your dad.
Hamlet: [disbelieving] My dad.
Horatio: Okay, Hamlet, humor me for a second. I know it’s impossible, but Marcellus dragged me out last night to see this guy, and he was weird and homeless but I swear he looked just like your dad -
Hamlet: Horatio, stop! Tell me what happened!
Horatio: Alright, alright! [sigh] Okay, for the past two nights, Barnardo and Marcellus have seen this weird homeless guy wandering around the building between twelve and one AM. And the thing is, he looks exactly like your dad. Which is impossible, because your dad is in jail, and I told them so, but they dragged me out on the third night and made me watch with them.
Hamlet: And?
Horatio: And he’s real! The homeless guy looks almost exactly like your father. And these guys were really freaked out. And I swear to god, this guy is your dad. I don’t know how or why, but it’s him.
Hamlet: Where was this?
Marcellus: Down at the loading dock, where we keep watch.
Hamlet: Did you try talking to him?
Horatio: Of course I did, but he wouldn’t speak to me. He was about to, but saw the guards and ran.
Hamlet: That’s… this doesn’t make any sense.
Horatio: I know, but… Hamlet, trust me. It’s true. We decided we owed it to you to tell you.
Hamlet: Yeah, yeah I… Are you on watch tonight as well?
Marcellus: Yes, sir.
Hamlet: Do you think he’ll come again?
Barnardo: Most likely.
Hamlet: What, what did he look like? Upset?
Horatio: Yes, but, he was sad, not angry.
Hamlet: What was he wearing?
Horatio: Just rags. It looked like he’d gone dumpster diving in a Goodwill donation bin.
Hamlet: How long did he stay?
Horatio: Only a few minutes.
Marcellus: He usually sticks around for longer than that -
Horatio: Not when I saw him!
Hamlet: Did he still have his beard?
Horatio: Yeah, he did.
Hamlet: … I’m coming to watch tonight. Do you think he’ll return?
Horatio: Definitely.
Hamlet: Alright. If this guy really is my father, we’ll see tonight. You three, I need you to promise me not to tell anyone what you’ve seen. This should stay quiet for now, if my father broke out of jail… Go ahead. I’ll meet you at the loading docks sometime around twelve.
Marcellus: Yes, sir.
Horatio: I’ll see you there, Hamlet.
Hamlet: Thank you.
Everyone but Hamlet leaves.
Hamlet: … Alrighty then… So my dad has apparently escaped from jail. That’s a little concerning. And now he’s wandering around outside his old office building in the freezing cold?! He escaped, why on earth would he decide to come back? Something’s fishy here, but… ugh, I can’t figure out what. I just hope that I’ll find out tonight.
Scene 3
[In the lobby of Elsinore Co. building]
Enter Laertes and Ophelia.
Laertes: My flight leaves in a few, sis. Will you be alright without me? I’ll be sure to have fun in Paris without you.
Ophelia: Oh please. Paris can only be so fun when you’re going to business school.
Laertes: Yeah, yeah. Don’t forget to text me.
Ophelia: Wouldn’t dream of it.
Laertes: Oh, and before I go, we need to talk about Hamlet.
Ophelia: Hamlet? Why?
Laertes: Ophelia, I know you and he have a thing. You need to be careful. He’s eventually going to inherit Claudius’s company. Is that really the sort of man you want to be involved with? I just want you to be careful for the sake of your reputation. You don’t want to seem too willing to fall for him, and the thing you two have won’t last forever.
Ophelia: But -
Laertes: Ophelia, please. He may actually love you, but remember, his first duty will always be to the company. Not to you. You deserve better than that - you deserve someone who will cherish you no matter what. Hamlet will never be able to fully love you. Just… please be careful.
Ophelia: Okay, I’ll be careful. But don’t go telling me all this and not do it yourself - take care of yourself in France.
Laertes: Oh, don’t worry about me. I’m your big brother, I can take care of myself.
Polonius enters
Laertes: Hey dad!
Polonius: Laertes, why are you still here? The company helicopter is waiting for you!
Laertes: Okay, okay! Just saying goodbye to Ophelia.
Laertes hugs Ophelia then goes over to his dad.
Polonius: Remember, son, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Listen more than you talk. Make friends easily, but only rely on the ones you trust. Don’t judge people openly. Try not to get into any fights, but if you do, you give them hell. Buy all the best clothes you can - it is France, that tends to matter over there - don’t lend money, and -
Laertes: Be myself. I know, dad. Thanks.
Polonius: Hurry, my assistant’s waiting for you.
Laertes: Bye Dad. Bye Ophelia! Remember my advice!
Ophelia: I will!
Laertes exits
Polonius: Advice? What kind of advice was Laertes giving you?
Ophelia: Just some suggestions about Hamlet.
Polonius: Oh, good. I’ve heard that you and Hamlet seem to be spending a lot of time together. Is that true?
Ophelia: Well… yes.
Polonius: [sigh] Ophelia, you’re being reckless. What’s actually going on between you two?
Ophelia: Well, he… I uh… I think he might… like me.
Polonius: Like? Ophelia, you sound like a twelve-year-old.
Ophelia: And that’s bad?
Polonius: It can be. Do you believe him?
Ophelia: I don’t know what to believe.
Polonius: Then believe me! If you think his feelings are real, then you’re more naive than I thought. Try to have more self-respect.
Ophelia: But, Hamlet actually seems serious about this, he -
Polonius: There is a difference between what “seems” real and what is actually real. His love will pass.
Ophelia: Are you sure? He seems so genuine about it...
Polonius: Genuine? Ophelia, don’t forget, I was his age once. Everything he says is a ploy to get you into bed. Any other reason, and he’s probably lying. You need to avoid him.
Ophelia: But -
Polonius: Ophelia, trust me, I just want what’s best for you. And Hamlet is definitely not the best for you. No more talking to him, okay?
Ophelia: Okay.
End scene.
Scene 4:
[The loading docks of Elsinore Co. at midnight]
Enter Hamlet, Horatio, and Marcellus
Hamlet: Good god, it is freezing! How do you deal with this every night?
Horatio: You’ll get used to it.
Hamlet: Great. What time is it?
Horatio: Almost midnight, I think.
Marcellus: Nope, it’s past. My watch alarm went off.
Horatio: It did? Oh, I guess I didn’t hear it. Well, if it’s past midnight, we shouldn’t have to wait much longer.
Loud music suddenly starts blasting from inside the building
Horatio: What the hell is that?
Hamlet: My uncle’s party. He’s throwing one tonight because I decided to stay here. I just think it’s an excuse for him to get wasted.
Horatio: It this some kind of tradition?
Hamlet: Unfortunately, yes. I’m pretty sure we have a party once or twice every month. Loud music, exotic dancers, and all the booze you can dream of. The other companies think we’re a laughing stock! They think we’re nothing but drunkards and party animals. Do they care about all the things our company has accomplished? No. But we just keep throwing parties. When I become CEO, that’ll change. This company will be respected and dignified and -
Enter the scary homeless man
Horatio: Hamlet! He’s here!
Hamlet turns to see the homeless guy, and recognizes him as his father.
Hamlet: … Dad? … Dad? … Dad, please, I know it’s you! What are you doing here? How did you get out of jail? Are you trying to tell us something? … Dad, please. ... Dad?
Homeless Hamlet the First beckons Tiny Hamlet the Second to follow him.
Horatio: He wants you to come with him. Alone.
Marcellus: Hamlet, I would strongly advise you not do that.
Horatio: I agree.
Hamlet: He won’t tell us anything unless I go with him.
Horatio: Hamlet, don’t!
Hamlet: Why not? He’s my father, he won’t hurt me! He just wants to tell me something!
Dad waves again.
Hamlet: He waved again. [to dad] I’m coming!
Horatio: Hamlet, stop! Think about this for a minute! What if he isn’t your dad? What if he’s some serial killer that wants you dead? What if he leads you into a trap? Hamlet, it’s dangerous, you can’t just -
Dad waves again, looking around furtively like he’s scared of getting caught.
Hamlet: He waved again! [to dad] I’m coming!
Marcellus: No you’re not!
Marcellus and Horatio grab Hamlet.
Hamlet: Let go of me!
Horatio: Hamlet, please! Don’t go!
Hamlet: I have to go! I have to! Let go of me, now!
Dad beckons once again, still wary.
Hamlet: He’s still waving for me! Let me go! Let me go or I swear I’ll kill both of you with my bare hands!
Hamlet manages to break free.
Hamlet: Don’t follow me. Dad, I’m coming!
Hamlet exits.
Horatio: Oh god, he’s so desperate, he’s going to get himself killed.
Marcellus: We need to follow him.
Horatio: He just told us not to.
Marcellus: And that’s gonna stop you? Something weird is going on in this company.
Horatio: But… Marcellus -
Marcellus: Come on, Horatio. We’re following him.
Scene 5
[Some hidden alley or backstreet or something, not too far from the tower]
Enter Hamlet and the homeless man
Hamlet: Where are you taking me? Hey, stop! I won’t go any further.
Dad: … Alright fine. I don’t have much time, so you need to listen to me. I came here to tell you the truth.
Hamlet: The… the truth? About what? How did you even get out?
Dad: That’s not important. Are you listening or not?
Hamlet : I… yes. I am.
Dad: Good. Hamlet, I am your father, and I need you to trust me. I was framed.
Hamlet: I knew it.
Dad: Fraud is one of the most despicable crimes to commit in this industry - it gets people killed, you know that. I would never do such a thing!
Hamlet: Dad! I believe you. Who did this to you? Tell me so I can clear your name!
Dad: That’s… where it gets complicated.
Hamlet: Complicated? How? Who framed you?
Dad: The new CEO of Elsinore Co.
Hamlet: Uncle… Uncle Claudius? I… You know I actually kind of suspected that one too.
Dad: He snuck into my office one night and managed to hack into my computer. The second he was on, he downloaded a virus and planted all the evidence. Everything made it seem like I’d been bribing and coercing my way into this company’s success. Then he anonymously tipped off the police, and every piece of evidence led straight to me. Everything I had, everything I was ever proud of is now gone because that man took it away from me. He took my name, my company, my son… and he took my wife.
Hamlet: Mom.
Dad: At first she seemed to believe I wasn’t lying, that all the evidence against me was false. But then the trial came, and there was so much, and all of it was so foolproof and practically screamed my guilt, and she lost faith. She divorced me out of shame and refused to speak to me. She told you not to see me, didn’t she? Because it’d put a bad image on the company?
Hamlet: Yes.
Dad: She was weak and lost, and then… then Claudius came and swept her off her feet the moment I was gone. And she didn’t even hesitate. They got married a month after the trial - a month, Hamlet. I thought she was faithful to me. I thought she cared.
She’ll get what she deserves eventually. But Claudius… he has to pay for what he’s done. Do you understand?
Hamlet: Yes, I understand. I’ll clear your name, Dad, I swear -
Dad: No. My time has passed. No one will ever respect a company led by me, not anymore. Your uncle took that away from me. But you, Hamlet, you can lead that company better than anyone ever could. I know you can. Claudius doesn’t deserve to even breathe the air in Elsinore Tower.
Hamlet: What do you want me to do?
Dad: Now that, Hamlet, is up to you. But that man is a liar and a criminal. And no one can hide from vengeance forever.
A cop siren/lights sound, and both look around frantically. Dad exits.
Hamlet: Oh my god. My uncle framed my dad. He framed his own brother! How could I ever even think my father would commit fraud? Claudius is the criminal, he broke into the office, he framed my dad - and now he’s running the damn company! And… my mom. How could she do this? This is ridiculous, this is… disgusting it’s… it’s…
I’m not letting him do this to me. My dad should be CEO, not him. And now not even my dad can lead. That leaves me.
Claudius will pay for this. I’ll make sure of it.
Marcellus and Horatio enter
Horatio: Hamlet!
Marcellus: Hamlet!
Horatio: Did that homeless guy hurt you?
Hamlet: No Horatio, I’m fine.
Marcellus: Where did he go?
Horatio: What happened?
Hamlet: I… It doesn’t seem real.
Horatio: What do you mean? What happened.
Hamlet: Oh, no, no way, I can’t tell you! I tell you, and you tell everyone else!
Horatio: Hamlet, you can trust me! I swear to god I won’t tell a soul.
Marcellus: I won’t either.
Hamlet: You swear?
Horatio: I swear.
Hamlet: … This company is corrupt, Horatio.
Horatio: We don’t really need a homeless fugitive to tell us that.
Hamlet: You know what? I changed my mind. You guys can go back to the office, I don’t need you.
Horatio: Wait, Hamlet, I wasn’t -
Hamlet: No, no, no, it’s fine.
Horatio: I… it’s fine?
Hamlet: Oh, yeah, it’s perfectly fine. Perfectly fine! It’s NOT fine. Not fine at all. And you know why? That homeless man was my father. And the things he told me… But listen, I have a favor to ask you two.
Horatio: A favor?
Marcellus: What is it?
Hamlet: Don’t tell anyone about anything you saw or heard tonight.
Marcellus and Horatio look at each other.
Horatio: We won’t.
Hamlet: You have to swear.
Horatio: I swear to God I won’t.
Marcellus: I swear too.
Hamlet: No, that’s not good enough. We need something better than that, we need… here.
Pulls out a switchblade.
Cut your hand and swear.
Horatio: Dude, are you serious?
Marcellus: Hamlet, we already swore.
Hamlet’s dad appears
Dad: Make them swear, Hamlet.
Hamlet: You bet I’m serious. Give me your hands.
Horatio: Hamlet, are you sure you’re okay?
Hamlet: Swear to me you’ll never speak of what happened this night!
Dad: Make them swear, Hamlet!
Hamlet: Oh, now you’re listening in too? Here, come this way.
Hamlet turns away from his dad and Horatio and Marcellus follow.
Now, swear.
Dad: Make them swear!
Hamlet: Leave us alone!
Horatio: Hamlet, you’re acting really weird.
Hamlet: Oh, but that doesn’t matter, does it? Because you can’t tell anyone what happened tonight! No matter who asks you, or what they ask you, or how much they pay you! You put on an act and you lie! Swear to me you won’t ever tell another soul what you’ve seen or heard tonight, ever, or so help me all of us will die! Swear!
Dad/Hamlet: SWEAR TO ME!
Hamlet cuts Horatio and Marcellus’ hands, and they shake hands to swear.
Hamlet: Okay, they swore! They swore!
The Dad disappears
Well. That was fun, wasn’t it?
Horatio and Marcellus stare at him like he’s insane.
You swore. So we agree - never tell anyone what happened tonight. Thank you for doing this, you’re true friends. We should go back.
Horatio: Yeah, we… we should.
Horatio and Marcellus begin to leave, but Hamlet pauses for a moment.
Hamlet: [to himself] Why do I have to be the one to set things right?
Horatio: Hamlet? You coming?
Hamlet: Huh? Oh, yeah, of course. Let’s go.
Exit.
[outside the loading docks of Elsinore Tower, the main business building of Elsinore Co.]
Enter (separately) Barnardo and Francisco, two night guards for Elsinore Tower
Barnardo: Who’s there?
Francisco: You tell me first! Who are you?
Barnardo: I’m… it’s me, Francisco.
Francisco: Barnardo?
Barnardo: Yeah.
Francisco: Oh. I didn’t hear you.
Barnardo: Sorry. It’s my shift now. I think you need some sleep.
Francisco: Oh thank god. It is freezing out here.
Barnardo: I know. How’d your watch go?
Francisco: All quiet.
Barnardo: That’s good. Night, Cisco. Oh! And if you see Horatio and Marcellus, they’re with me. Tell them to hurry up.
Marcellus and Horatio show up
Francisco: I think I hear them. Hey, who’s there?
Horatio: Don’t worry! It’s just us.
Marcellus: Francisco, we work at the same company…
Francisco: Sorry, I’m tired. You guys have a good night, I’m going home.
Marcellus: Alright, bye. Oh, hey, did anyone relieve you of your shift?
Francisco: Barnardo did. You guys should probably hurry up, he’s waiting for you.
Francisco exits
Marcellus: Barnardo, hey!
Barnardo: Ugh, finally. I’ve been waiting. Is Horatio with you?
Horatio: I’m right here, Barnardo.
Barnardo: Okay, good.
Horatio: So tell me, has that mysterious homeless man shown up yet?
Barnardo: No, not yet.
Marcellus: Horatio still doesn’t believe us, so I dragged him out here to prove it.
Horatio: Yeah, except you’re not going to prove it, because he doesn’t exist.
Barnardo: Horatio, I swear to you, this guy is real. Last night, Marcellus and I were on duty, minding our own business, and at exactly one o’clock, this creepy old man just slinks out of the shadows like a freaking ghost and -
Homeless man appears
Marcellus: Barnardo shut up! He’s here!
Barnardo: Look! Do you believe me now?
Horatio: I… okay he is kind of creepy, but… Wait, doesn’t he kind of look like the old boss?
Barnardo: I don’t know, it’s not like I knew the guy.
Horatio: He does. Take my word for it.
Barnardo: Well, then… should we try talking to him?
Marcellus: Hey, don’t look at me! Horatio, you talk to him!
Horatio approaches the man
Horatio: Excuse me sir, this is private property. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
Man ignores Horatio
Horatio: [clears throat] Um, sir! Did you not hear me?
Man ignores Horatio
Horatio: Um… boss?
Man looks at Horatio suddenly, surprised, then turns and quickly begins to walk away
Horatio: Wait! Boss! Is that you? Come back! Why are you here? How did you…
Man exits.
Marcellus: Nice going, Horatio, you scared him off.
Barnardo: Wow, man, you look kind of scared. I thought the creepy homeless man didn’t exist.
Horatio: Shut up, Barnardo. What was I supposed to think? A creepy homeless man that looks like the old Boss, wandering around in the middle of the night?
Marcellus: Hey, guys! Calm down. Horatio was right, that guy looked like the old boss. Did you see how he reacted when Horatio called him that? And isn’t the boss is in prison for fraud?!
Horatio: Yeah, he is. This doesn’t make any sense.
Marcellus: Well… why would he even show up here? He paces around like some sort of stalker. Do you think he wants something?
Horatio: I don’t know. But I mean, maybe he’s back because of all the… things that have been going on in the company lately.
Marcellus: Things? Like what?
Horatio: Like that whole thing with Fortinbras Inc.
Brabantio: Elsinore’s rival company?
Horatio: Yeah. Before he was convicted of fraud, the old boss managed to obtain some assets from them - mostly land and stuff in the city for a new mall complex. He found some dirt on Fortinbras, their boss, and when the old guy got sent to jail, OUR boss swept in and grabbed the land. Except now, OUR boss is in jail too, and Fortinbras Jr. wants those assets back. The way things are going, this squabble is going to get nasty pretty quickly.
Barnardo: Maybe that’s why the boss is back? He came to warn us?
Horatio: I don’t know, maybe. This whole thing seems like the company’s going downhill. I wonder how he broke out of jail...
Enter homeless man
Horatio: Oh god he’s back.
Horatio starts walking towards man, but the man notices and begins walking faster.
Horatio: Hey! Wait a minute! Tell us why you’re here, please! Is something wrong? Are you here to warn us? Your son is devastated, he deserves to know you’re here! Sir? Hey! Marcellus, stop him!
Marcellus: With what, my flashlight?
Horatio: You’re a nightguard, just grab him!
Marcellus: Okay! Barnardo, help me out here.
Barnardo: You got it!
Marcellus and Barnardo attempt to grab the homeless man, but he sees their uniforms and runs away.
Horatio: He got away!
Marcellus: Wow, really? I hadn’t noticed.
Barnardo: Grabbing him was a bad idea, he saw our uniforms and ran.
Horatio: Well, what were we supposed to do? We need to talk to him.
Horatio looks at the horizon.
Horatio: It’s morning. He won’t come back now.
Barnardo: Well, at least you know we aren’t making him up.
Marcellus: He really does look like the old boss, it’s weird.
Barnardo: What do we do now?
Horatio: … We should find Hamlet.
Barnardo: The… boss?
Horatio: No, idiot, Hamlet junior!
Marcellus: The boss’s son? Is that a good idea?
Horatio: Look, I know Hamlet. We’re friends. He’d want to know if his dad is running around outside of prison. And if the old guy won’t talk to us, maybe he’ll talk to his son.
Marcellus: You want us to bring the boss’s son out on guard with us, just so he can see if a creepy homeless guy is actually his father in disguise.
Horatio: Well… when you put it like that -
Marcellus: No, it’s a good idea. I know where Hamlet is, let’s go get him.
All exit.
Scene 2
[Inside the boss’s office]
Enter Claudius (the new boss), Gertrude (his wife, and co. owner of the company), Polonius (the boss’s assistant), Laertes (Polonius’s son), Hamlet (the old boss’s kid), and Voltemand (a corporate spy)
Boss: I’m glad you’re all here today. It’s only been a few months since my brother Hamlet was convicted of fraud, and I’m eternally grateful that the company allowed me to step up and take his place. It really was the best choice. I’d also like to thank the beautiful Gertrude, my new wife. I’m sure you’ve all heard; she divorced Hamlet after he went to prison, and instead of assuming all the responsibilities and assets herself, she allowed me to lighten her load. And now, I not only have this prestigious position; I also have a beautiful wife.
Now, we need to discuss our rival company, Fortinbras Inc. Hamlet senior managed to acquire some assets from the company by exposing Fortinbras’s drug dealings. Fortinbras’s brother has now taken over the company. However, we’ve heard news that his nephew, Fortinbras junior, is planning to take back these assets and make a move on our company, without his uncle’s knowledge. Voltemand, I need you to go to Fortinbras Inc. and tell the current boss about his nephew’s plans. That’ll hopefully put a stop to him.
Voltemand: You got it boss.
Boss: Thank you.
Cornelius and Voltemand leave
Now, Laertes! I heard you wanted to speak to me. What do you need?
Laertes: Sir, I’d like to go back to France. I’m grateful you invited me here and everything, and the celebration of your appointment was great, but I need to finish up school.
Boss: Well, do you have your father’s permission?
Polonius: Yes, he does.
Boss: Well then, Laertes, you’re free to go.
Now, Hamlet, my son -
Hamlet: I’m not your son, Claud.
Boss: [he sighs] Still depressed, I see.
Hamlet: My dad is gone, what do you expect?
Wife: Hamlet, please. Your father didn’t die, he’s just in prison. It’s not like you can’t see him.
Hamlet: You told me not to go because it’d be a bad image for the company.
Wife: Well… it would be. Can’t you just be happy again?
Hamlet: No, mom, I can’t. Dad was a good man. He wouldn’t commit a crime just to make a profit. And now, I can’t even talk to him! It’s not fair!
Boss: Hamlet! Look, we all realize you’re upset, but it’s been two months. You need to get over this. Your mother and I have. You’re a man now, you can’t act like some spoiled brat just because your father is in prison. Besides, look at the bright side. When I step down, you get to take over the company in my place.
Hamlet: That still would’ve happened if he hadn’t been sent to jail.
Boss: Hamlet -
Hamlet: No. I’m going back to Wittenberg. I need to finish school.
Boss: Hamlet, you’re acting like a child! Your mother and I are asking you to stay here with us in the states. Why do you deny our request? Please, Hamlet, you’re practically done with school. You don’t need to go back. Just stay here. I can teach you the ropes and help you myself. We need you here with us.
Conflicted Hamlet sounds
Wife: Please, Hamlet.
Hamlet: … Fine. I’ll stay.
Boss: Excellent! You made the right choice, son. Now, Gertrude, I think this calls for a celebration. How about we throw a party tonight? It’ll be glorious! We can call up the caterer, maybe even get some fireworks…
Boss continues speaking as everyone leaves but Hamlet.
Hamlet starts talking to himself agitatedly
Hamlet: One of these days, I’m going to kill him. Oh yeah, Uncle Claud, let’s just throw a party while my father rots in jail for a crime he didn’t commit. Totally fine. Why am I even staying here? I don’t owe him anything! I don’t even owe my mom anything. Like a month after dad got sent to jail, she’s all up in Uncle Claud’s business and filing divorce papers! Who does that? I thought she loved him! But no, apparently she didn’t. Because why would she, right? Why would my mother, married to the best person in the world, go off canoodling with his brother? My uncle can barely even run himself, let alone a company. If anyone was convicted of fraud, it should be him, not my dad. Why would my mom do this? Why would she… she just…
This is stupid I’m stupid everything is stupid. I just want to die…
Horatio, Marcellus, and Barnardo enter.
Horatio: Hamlet?
Hamlet: Yes? I-
He stops when he sees Horatio and immediately his mood lifts
Horatio! Oh my god, hey! What’s up?
They hug
Horatio: I’m great, it’s nice to see you man.
Hamlet: Nice to see you too. Hey Marcellus! And uh… uh… Sir.
Barnardo looks somewhat put off that Hamlet doesn’t remember his name.
Hamlet: Um. Horatio! I thought you were in Germany. What brings you all the way out here?
Horatio: Oh, I’m just skipping. A truant disposition, and all that.
Hamlet: Horatio, you just quoted Shakespeare. You are the least likely person in the universe to skip school. Why are you here?
Horatio: Alright, fine. I came for your father’s trial.
Hamlet: Don’t lie to me. You came for my mom’s wedding.
Horatio: … Okay, I came for the wedding.
Hamlet: It’s fine, I get it. I mean they were barely a month apart, it’s not like it would’ve made any difference.
Horatio: You… okay?
Hamlet: I miss my dad, Horatio.
Horatio: I… I met him once. He seemed like a great guy.
Hamlet: He was. And now I’ll never be able to see him again.
Horatio: … Um, about that. I think I saw him last night.
Hamlet: Saw who?
Horatio: The old boss, your dad.
Hamlet: [disbelieving] My dad.
Horatio: Okay, Hamlet, humor me for a second. I know it’s impossible, but Marcellus dragged me out last night to see this guy, and he was weird and homeless but I swear he looked just like your dad -
Hamlet: Horatio, stop! Tell me what happened!
Horatio: Alright, alright! [sigh] Okay, for the past two nights, Barnardo and Marcellus have seen this weird homeless guy wandering around the building between twelve and one AM. And the thing is, he looks exactly like your dad. Which is impossible, because your dad is in jail, and I told them so, but they dragged me out on the third night and made me watch with them.
Hamlet: And?
Horatio: And he’s real! The homeless guy looks almost exactly like your father. And these guys were really freaked out. And I swear to god, this guy is your dad. I don’t know how or why, but it’s him.
Hamlet: Where was this?
Marcellus: Down at the loading dock, where we keep watch.
Hamlet: Did you try talking to him?
Horatio: Of course I did, but he wouldn’t speak to me. He was about to, but saw the guards and ran.
Hamlet: That’s… this doesn’t make any sense.
Horatio: I know, but… Hamlet, trust me. It’s true. We decided we owed it to you to tell you.
Hamlet: Yeah, yeah I… Are you on watch tonight as well?
Marcellus: Yes, sir.
Hamlet: Do you think he’ll come again?
Barnardo: Most likely.
Hamlet: What, what did he look like? Upset?
Horatio: Yes, but, he was sad, not angry.
Hamlet: What was he wearing?
Horatio: Just rags. It looked like he’d gone dumpster diving in a Goodwill donation bin.
Hamlet: How long did he stay?
Horatio: Only a few minutes.
Marcellus: He usually sticks around for longer than that -
Horatio: Not when I saw him!
Hamlet: Did he still have his beard?
Horatio: Yeah, he did.
Hamlet: … I’m coming to watch tonight. Do you think he’ll return?
Horatio: Definitely.
Hamlet: Alright. If this guy really is my father, we’ll see tonight. You three, I need you to promise me not to tell anyone what you’ve seen. This should stay quiet for now, if my father broke out of jail… Go ahead. I’ll meet you at the loading docks sometime around twelve.
Marcellus: Yes, sir.
Horatio: I’ll see you there, Hamlet.
Hamlet: Thank you.
Everyone but Hamlet leaves.
Hamlet: … Alrighty then… So my dad has apparently escaped from jail. That’s a little concerning. And now he’s wandering around outside his old office building in the freezing cold?! He escaped, why on earth would he decide to come back? Something’s fishy here, but… ugh, I can’t figure out what. I just hope that I’ll find out tonight.
Scene 3
[In the lobby of Elsinore Co. building]
Enter Laertes and Ophelia.
Laertes: My flight leaves in a few, sis. Will you be alright without me? I’ll be sure to have fun in Paris without you.
Ophelia: Oh please. Paris can only be so fun when you’re going to business school.
Laertes: Yeah, yeah. Don’t forget to text me.
Ophelia: Wouldn’t dream of it.
Laertes: Oh, and before I go, we need to talk about Hamlet.
Ophelia: Hamlet? Why?
Laertes: Ophelia, I know you and he have a thing. You need to be careful. He’s eventually going to inherit Claudius’s company. Is that really the sort of man you want to be involved with? I just want you to be careful for the sake of your reputation. You don’t want to seem too willing to fall for him, and the thing you two have won’t last forever.
Ophelia: But -
Laertes: Ophelia, please. He may actually love you, but remember, his first duty will always be to the company. Not to you. You deserve better than that - you deserve someone who will cherish you no matter what. Hamlet will never be able to fully love you. Just… please be careful.
Ophelia: Okay, I’ll be careful. But don’t go telling me all this and not do it yourself - take care of yourself in France.
Laertes: Oh, don’t worry about me. I’m your big brother, I can take care of myself.
Polonius enters
Laertes: Hey dad!
Polonius: Laertes, why are you still here? The company helicopter is waiting for you!
Laertes: Okay, okay! Just saying goodbye to Ophelia.
Laertes hugs Ophelia then goes over to his dad.
Polonius: Remember, son, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Listen more than you talk. Make friends easily, but only rely on the ones you trust. Don’t judge people openly. Try not to get into any fights, but if you do, you give them hell. Buy all the best clothes you can - it is France, that tends to matter over there - don’t lend money, and -
Laertes: Be myself. I know, dad. Thanks.
Polonius: Hurry, my assistant’s waiting for you.
Laertes: Bye Dad. Bye Ophelia! Remember my advice!
Ophelia: I will!
Laertes exits
Polonius: Advice? What kind of advice was Laertes giving you?
Ophelia: Just some suggestions about Hamlet.
Polonius: Oh, good. I’ve heard that you and Hamlet seem to be spending a lot of time together. Is that true?
Ophelia: Well… yes.
Polonius: [sigh] Ophelia, you’re being reckless. What’s actually going on between you two?
Ophelia: Well, he… I uh… I think he might… like me.
Polonius: Like? Ophelia, you sound like a twelve-year-old.
Ophelia: And that’s bad?
Polonius: It can be. Do you believe him?
Ophelia: I don’t know what to believe.
Polonius: Then believe me! If you think his feelings are real, then you’re more naive than I thought. Try to have more self-respect.
Ophelia: But, Hamlet actually seems serious about this, he -
Polonius: There is a difference between what “seems” real and what is actually real. His love will pass.
Ophelia: Are you sure? He seems so genuine about it...
Polonius: Genuine? Ophelia, don’t forget, I was his age once. Everything he says is a ploy to get you into bed. Any other reason, and he’s probably lying. You need to avoid him.
Ophelia: But -
Polonius: Ophelia, trust me, I just want what’s best for you. And Hamlet is definitely not the best for you. No more talking to him, okay?
Ophelia: Okay.
End scene.
Scene 4:
[The loading docks of Elsinore Co. at midnight]
Enter Hamlet, Horatio, and Marcellus
Hamlet: Good god, it is freezing! How do you deal with this every night?
Horatio: You’ll get used to it.
Hamlet: Great. What time is it?
Horatio: Almost midnight, I think.
Marcellus: Nope, it’s past. My watch alarm went off.
Horatio: It did? Oh, I guess I didn’t hear it. Well, if it’s past midnight, we shouldn’t have to wait much longer.
Loud music suddenly starts blasting from inside the building
Horatio: What the hell is that?
Hamlet: My uncle’s party. He’s throwing one tonight because I decided to stay here. I just think it’s an excuse for him to get wasted.
Horatio: It this some kind of tradition?
Hamlet: Unfortunately, yes. I’m pretty sure we have a party once or twice every month. Loud music, exotic dancers, and all the booze you can dream of. The other companies think we’re a laughing stock! They think we’re nothing but drunkards and party animals. Do they care about all the things our company has accomplished? No. But we just keep throwing parties. When I become CEO, that’ll change. This company will be respected and dignified and -
Enter the scary homeless man
Horatio: Hamlet! He’s here!
Hamlet turns to see the homeless guy, and recognizes him as his father.
Hamlet: … Dad? … Dad? … Dad, please, I know it’s you! What are you doing here? How did you get out of jail? Are you trying to tell us something? … Dad, please. ... Dad?
Homeless Hamlet the First beckons Tiny Hamlet the Second to follow him.
Horatio: He wants you to come with him. Alone.
Marcellus: Hamlet, I would strongly advise you not do that.
Horatio: I agree.
Hamlet: He won’t tell us anything unless I go with him.
Horatio: Hamlet, don’t!
Hamlet: Why not? He’s my father, he won’t hurt me! He just wants to tell me something!
Dad waves again.
Hamlet: He waved again. [to dad] I’m coming!
Horatio: Hamlet, stop! Think about this for a minute! What if he isn’t your dad? What if he’s some serial killer that wants you dead? What if he leads you into a trap? Hamlet, it’s dangerous, you can’t just -
Dad waves again, looking around furtively like he’s scared of getting caught.
Hamlet: He waved again! [to dad] I’m coming!
Marcellus: No you’re not!
Marcellus and Horatio grab Hamlet.
Hamlet: Let go of me!
Horatio: Hamlet, please! Don’t go!
Hamlet: I have to go! I have to! Let go of me, now!
Dad beckons once again, still wary.
Hamlet: He’s still waving for me! Let me go! Let me go or I swear I’ll kill both of you with my bare hands!
Hamlet manages to break free.
Hamlet: Don’t follow me. Dad, I’m coming!
Hamlet exits.
Horatio: Oh god, he’s so desperate, he’s going to get himself killed.
Marcellus: We need to follow him.
Horatio: He just told us not to.
Marcellus: And that’s gonna stop you? Something weird is going on in this company.
Horatio: But… Marcellus -
Marcellus: Come on, Horatio. We’re following him.
Scene 5
[Some hidden alley or backstreet or something, not too far from the tower]
Enter Hamlet and the homeless man
Hamlet: Where are you taking me? Hey, stop! I won’t go any further.
Dad: … Alright fine. I don’t have much time, so you need to listen to me. I came here to tell you the truth.
Hamlet: The… the truth? About what? How did you even get out?
Dad: That’s not important. Are you listening or not?
Hamlet : I… yes. I am.
Dad: Good. Hamlet, I am your father, and I need you to trust me. I was framed.
Hamlet: I knew it.
Dad: Fraud is one of the most despicable crimes to commit in this industry - it gets people killed, you know that. I would never do such a thing!
Hamlet: Dad! I believe you. Who did this to you? Tell me so I can clear your name!
Dad: That’s… where it gets complicated.
Hamlet: Complicated? How? Who framed you?
Dad: The new CEO of Elsinore Co.
Hamlet: Uncle… Uncle Claudius? I… You know I actually kind of suspected that one too.
Dad: He snuck into my office one night and managed to hack into my computer. The second he was on, he downloaded a virus and planted all the evidence. Everything made it seem like I’d been bribing and coercing my way into this company’s success. Then he anonymously tipped off the police, and every piece of evidence led straight to me. Everything I had, everything I was ever proud of is now gone because that man took it away from me. He took my name, my company, my son… and he took my wife.
Hamlet: Mom.
Dad: At first she seemed to believe I wasn’t lying, that all the evidence against me was false. But then the trial came, and there was so much, and all of it was so foolproof and practically screamed my guilt, and she lost faith. She divorced me out of shame and refused to speak to me. She told you not to see me, didn’t she? Because it’d put a bad image on the company?
Hamlet: Yes.
Dad: She was weak and lost, and then… then Claudius came and swept her off her feet the moment I was gone. And she didn’t even hesitate. They got married a month after the trial - a month, Hamlet. I thought she was faithful to me. I thought she cared.
She’ll get what she deserves eventually. But Claudius… he has to pay for what he’s done. Do you understand?
Hamlet: Yes, I understand. I’ll clear your name, Dad, I swear -
Dad: No. My time has passed. No one will ever respect a company led by me, not anymore. Your uncle took that away from me. But you, Hamlet, you can lead that company better than anyone ever could. I know you can. Claudius doesn’t deserve to even breathe the air in Elsinore Tower.
Hamlet: What do you want me to do?
Dad: Now that, Hamlet, is up to you. But that man is a liar and a criminal. And no one can hide from vengeance forever.
A cop siren/lights sound, and both look around frantically. Dad exits.
Hamlet: Oh my god. My uncle framed my dad. He framed his own brother! How could I ever even think my father would commit fraud? Claudius is the criminal, he broke into the office, he framed my dad - and now he’s running the damn company! And… my mom. How could she do this? This is ridiculous, this is… disgusting it’s… it’s…
I’m not letting him do this to me. My dad should be CEO, not him. And now not even my dad can lead. That leaves me.
Claudius will pay for this. I’ll make sure of it.
Marcellus and Horatio enter
Horatio: Hamlet!
Marcellus: Hamlet!
Horatio: Did that homeless guy hurt you?
Hamlet: No Horatio, I’m fine.
Marcellus: Where did he go?
Horatio: What happened?
Hamlet: I… It doesn’t seem real.
Horatio: What do you mean? What happened.
Hamlet: Oh, no, no way, I can’t tell you! I tell you, and you tell everyone else!
Horatio: Hamlet, you can trust me! I swear to god I won’t tell a soul.
Marcellus: I won’t either.
Hamlet: You swear?
Horatio: I swear.
Hamlet: … This company is corrupt, Horatio.
Horatio: We don’t really need a homeless fugitive to tell us that.
Hamlet: You know what? I changed my mind. You guys can go back to the office, I don’t need you.
Horatio: Wait, Hamlet, I wasn’t -
Hamlet: No, no, no, it’s fine.
Horatio: I… it’s fine?
Hamlet: Oh, yeah, it’s perfectly fine. Perfectly fine! It’s NOT fine. Not fine at all. And you know why? That homeless man was my father. And the things he told me… But listen, I have a favor to ask you two.
Horatio: A favor?
Marcellus: What is it?
Hamlet: Don’t tell anyone about anything you saw or heard tonight.
Marcellus and Horatio look at each other.
Horatio: We won’t.
Hamlet: You have to swear.
Horatio: I swear to God I won’t.
Marcellus: I swear too.
Hamlet: No, that’s not good enough. We need something better than that, we need… here.
Pulls out a switchblade.
Cut your hand and swear.
Horatio: Dude, are you serious?
Marcellus: Hamlet, we already swore.
Hamlet’s dad appears
Dad: Make them swear, Hamlet.
Hamlet: You bet I’m serious. Give me your hands.
Horatio: Hamlet, are you sure you’re okay?
Hamlet: Swear to me you’ll never speak of what happened this night!
Dad: Make them swear, Hamlet!
Hamlet: Oh, now you’re listening in too? Here, come this way.
Hamlet turns away from his dad and Horatio and Marcellus follow.
Now, swear.
Dad: Make them swear!
Hamlet: Leave us alone!
Horatio: Hamlet, you’re acting really weird.
Hamlet: Oh, but that doesn’t matter, does it? Because you can’t tell anyone what happened tonight! No matter who asks you, or what they ask you, or how much they pay you! You put on an act and you lie! Swear to me you won’t ever tell another soul what you’ve seen or heard tonight, ever, or so help me all of us will die! Swear!
Dad/Hamlet: SWEAR TO ME!
Hamlet cuts Horatio and Marcellus’ hands, and they shake hands to swear.
Hamlet: Okay, they swore! They swore!
The Dad disappears
Well. That was fun, wasn’t it?
Horatio and Marcellus stare at him like he’s insane.
You swore. So we agree - never tell anyone what happened tonight. Thank you for doing this, you’re true friends. We should go back.
Horatio: Yeah, we… we should.
Horatio and Marcellus begin to leave, but Hamlet pauses for a moment.
Hamlet: [to himself] Why do I have to be the one to set things right?
Horatio: Hamlet? You coming?
Hamlet: Huh? Oh, yeah, of course. Let’s go.
Exit.